Five Minutes Inside a Teacher's Head

7:35 - 7:40 a.m.

This post is inspired by the completely amazing and utterly true, "Five Minutes In a Mom's Head."I was immediately inspired to (shamelessly copy) write my version of "Five Minutes in a Teacher's Head."

For reference this is five minutes before kids are supposed to be in class, or what I call, "Go time."

7:35 a.m. - "What time is it?" Five minutes. I have GOT to go the bathroom. If I don't go now, I can't go until 11:37 which means I can't have anymore of the coffee. So, go now. For shame. I can't go now. I didn't copy the handwriting sheets. Aw, who needs handwriting any way? These kids aren't going to have to sign their own names. They'll probably be microchipped. They are the future.  I am never getting microchipped. I am the past.

I forgot to look up that video to stream about nanotechnology. 

Write that down. You will forget. Where's my coffee cup? Which coffee cup did I bring? I have got to get all the mugs out of my car. I am my parents. It has happened.

7:36 a.m. - What day is it? Oh, it's Wednesday. Gracious...only Wednesday? "On Wednesdays we wear pink." Where is that quote even from? It's a movie, me thinks. Probably pre-2006 which was the last time I really had a social life.  I haven't changed the date on that cute, rolla deck thingie that Gabe got me last year. I love that thing, but it is work. I have to flip the day, then flip the date, then flip the numbers, then flip the emoji thing, because....21st teacher! It makes me flip out.

Pun.

Giggle.

I am with it.

Coffee, forever.

7:37 a.m. - There are no sharpened pencils. Great. Now the kids are going to need to sharpen a bunch of pencils so they won't just come in and find a seat and get started which looks awful on checklists. Eureka! Pre sharpened pencils in the drawer from Open House! The nice kind that if you put them in the "Sharpened Cup" (Thanks, Pinterest) the kids will surely come away with lead poisoning. This means I must put them pretty sharpened pencil lead down. The kids never touch them if I do that, though. Kids LOVE a well sharpened pencil, but only if they can see it. Oh, well. Caution thrown to wind. They're fifth graders, surely they can avoid...ouch...seriously. Lead down. LEAD DOWN! I'm glad I saved these.  (Sly smile)


Okay, turn on the computers, tablet power strip, printer, Smart Board, heater, wax warmer, "Morning Welcome" playlist and finally...LAVA LAMP! I remember when all I had to do was turn on the over head. That smell of overheard projector was weirdness though.  It was what I imagine E.T. would smell like.

Wait, what? 

7:38 a.m. - WHY ARE THERE THINGS ON THE FLOOR! I picked up all the things before I left yesterday. Oh, right. My own actual kids have been here since 6:30.  Bless 'em.  "Baby, you have GOT to pick up those four pairs of scissors and all the paper you only cut the corners off of, sweet child. No, no, honey..you cannot have that on one of my student's desks. Yes, I know you have made them a desk constellation. That was sweet. Yes, I know they are at the door. Thanks for reminding me."

7:39 a.m. - This doorstop will be the end of me. I cannot get it to keep the door open. I NEED this door to stay open, so I...can...be....welcoming!

KICK. KICK. KICK.  KICK.  KICK.  KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. 

(Pause)

KICK.KICK.KICK.KICK

Ah ha! I did it.

It's open.

7:40. "Go Time."